So Confused...

I have no idea what I'm going to do.

I have two realistic careers I need to choose between. I can either be an elementary school teacher or something in nursing.

I've been pretty sure about becoming a teacher for the past year or so. Assisting Jesse at karate made me sure I wanted to teach. I've been doing a teaching internship program through my high school this year, and it's kind of made me rethink things. Teaching kids at karate is way different than teaching kids in school. At karate, pretty much every kid wants to be there. You get a wide range of ages and personalities, but you all have one common passion. The family atmosphere is another thing that I love. But if I taught at an elementary school, I'd lose a lot of that. Most of the kids would hate me, just because they didn't want to be at school, not because of anything I did to them personally. I'd be around one age, all the time. If I was a teacher, I'd want to teach a really young age, but the way the system works, they could toss me into sixth grade, and I'd seriously dislike that.

Besides, how am I supposed to be a teacher when I hate school? I love karate, and could teach Basic Form Number One a million times, and never get tired of it. I defintely wouldn't have the same enthusiasm for the ABC's, or long division.

I would love to be able to teach karate for a living. Pretty much everybody in karate wants that, but I know for me, that may not be an option, or a path I choose to take. If I could, I would love to open up a bakery/coffee shop thing, but that's definitely not in the cards for me. That's more of a dream than anything.

I've been taking a course at the JuCo to be a Certified Nurses Aide. By the middle of March, I'll be able to work in a hospital or an old folks home. I'd prefer to work at a hospital, because it's short term for the patients and I'd work with a variety of ages. In a nursing home, it's long term and I'd get attached to the patients and I wouldn't be able to handle the deaths.

There would be nothing wrong with being a CNA the rest of my life. I would take care of people, and make what they were going through a little easier. I wouldn't be responsible for medications, so the pressure of messing up and hurting someone wouldn't be there. I don't want that pressure. I don't want to worry about figuring out what's wrong with someone, I just want to be able to make it a little easier. I don't want to have to tell Mrs. Jones that she has such-an-such disease or stick a needle into her, I want to help her out of bed, get her dressed and prettied up to go to supper. I want to take care of people, not their disease.

If I decide that I do want more responsibilty, I could continue my education to become an RN. It'd be a two year associate's program at the JuCo, and then I'd be responsible for a lot more. I start clinicals at the end of this month, so I think I'll figure out pretty quick whether or not I'm into this whole thing, but I think I will be. I doubt I'd wanna be an RN, but the opportunity would be there.

I've wanted to be an anesthesiologist, an OB/GYN, a physical therapist, an occupational therapist, an elementary school teacher, and now a nurse's aide. I keep taking huge steps down on the salary ladder. That's one thing that's keeping me from wanting to stick with CNA. A huge pro is the lack of schooling I'd need. I'd go to college still, I just don't know what for. I could always work as a CNA and work towards a Bachelor's in Elementary Education, but if I end up happy as a CNA, why would I? I don't even know. I've always had the thought in my head that you HAD to have at least four years of college to be successful, like it was mandatory, but what do I do if I'll be ready to do what I want before I even graduate high school? And if I'm busy working, when would I have time to go to school? When I took the step away from occupational therapy to education I said that money didn't matter if I was happy. But the salary of a CNA is half of that of a teacher. That's kind of a big deal. I could support myself, but what'll happen if some day I want to get married, have kids? I might love my job, but I wouldn't be able to support us.

If everything continues as I think it will, and I end up loving being a CNA, I just need to decide if happiness really is more important than money...