Friday, February 25, 2011

I Wish I Could Say Some of These Things to Their Faces...

Dear You,
I saw you today for the first time since before Christmas break. You told me I looked pretty, and that I looked really happy. You have no idea how bummed out I've been lately, or how horrible my day has been, but just that random compliment made me feel so much better :)
Love, Alayna

Dear You,
LEAVE ME ALONE. I'm seriously sick and tired of your bullshit. You treat me HORRIBLE, but the thing is, you act like you're entitled to it! You're the one that did me wrong, so quit whining and pouting that I'm pissed at you. I barely freakin' know you. I used to, but you just made things weird. I would've loved to get to know you better and maybe become better friends, but not anymore. You have no right to go around and act like you do, or disrespect me the way you have. You're blowing up my phone right now, but I'm done with you. Grow a pair, quit whining, and go away. You're lucky someone hasn't whooped your ass yet. Watch it bud, I got plenty of backup.
(Insert more colorful language here)-Alayna

Dear You,
Don't worry. I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at something else. I just can't explain what's going on, but I'm taking care of it. Thanks for noticing something's wrong though.
Love, Alayna

Dear You,
I have no idea who you are, but I saw you tonight. You did what I've been wanting to do for a long time. It didn't look so pleasant, so I decided not to. Thank you.
Sincerely, Alayna

Dear You,
You have no idea how much you mean to me. You always have something kind to say, and it always comes at the perfect time. You're kind of fantastic :)
Love, Alayna

Dear You,
I envy you so much it hurts my chest, but I can't tell anybody because they wouldn't understand.
Sincerely, Alayna

Dear You,
I find our whole situation extremely ironic, don't you? Oh well...
Love, Alayna

Dear You,
Watch your back.
-Alayna

Dear You,
I know you've been having a tough time lately, but I know you can get through this. Keep going love :)
Love, Alayna

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Birds are Singing :)

I've been told to just ramble. Except I don't know what I'm going to ramble about. I'm not going to backspace though, no matter what I do. I mean, I'll backspace if I make a typo, but not for content.

Tuesday was somethin' else. I headed to karate at about 3:45 after running some errands for my mom. I road there with my window down, sunglasses on and Dani California blarin'. I miss summer so bad. Anyways, I was there early to assist Jesse with classes. He knew I wasn't feelin' so good so he didn't have me do much, but everything went well the times I did help. Ugh, I didn't know it was possible for me to be angry at a five year old, but tonight I was. I was showing this girl how to get out of a front choke, and I had her grab me, and she dug her nails into my trachea and squeezed hard. Her face even contorted into a funky "I'ma kill you!" expression. Maybe I imagined it, but whatever. Five year olds aren't the strongest, but when it's somewhere as vulnerable as your neck, any kind of pressure there is uncool.

My class started at 7:45, and there weren't that many people there. I learned the rest of Nanhaichi, or however you spell it, and I'm really excited about that. We went over some partner drills and freestyle sparring combinations. I absolutely HATE those. You gotta go from one line to another making up stuff as you go. I feel like such an idiot when I do it. I go from looking like a 2nd gup to a white belt, just awkward and unconfident.

Anyways, I went home and went to bed, then Wednesday I had CNA at noon. I got picked in the random drug screening thing, so I had to go to the hospital to get that done. I have no idea why, but I was terrified to take the test. I've never done drugs in my life, but there's just something about it that I don't like. I got back to class and had to make a bed with someone in it. I got partnered up with a real peach of a woman (sarcasm, of course). She's been a CNA for blah-blah blah years and where she comes from, they do it like blah-blah-blah. So annoying. But she just rushed through it and barely let me catch up. It's not a hard process, but I'm still learning and still kind of need to take my time with things, but yeah...

Class let out at 4:30 then I jet to the studio to help Jesse, once again. I'm getting more comfortable being in classes. My instructor has been really sick, but he made it up for the later classes. He said he was really impressed with how I was projecting my voice, and that was a big boost to my confidence. I attempted to study during the class before mine, but that didn't go so well. Besides a few injuries to others in there, class went well. There was a little drama afterwards, but it's all been taken care of.

Thursday was a really good day. This weather is crazy. Before the snow even melted, it was up above seventy degrees. I wore shorts for the first time in forEVER. My legs are seriously pale. I mean, I'm always pale, but the parts you usually see are the parts that usually get the sun. My legs have been hidden since fall, and you can definitely tell. (<<< that's a reason I shouldn't ramble on here. I start to go in depth on just how pale my legs are..) My sister and I rode around and went and ate. We got to the studio a little early, and trained. I had fun in class, and kind of skinned up my knuckles a little. Afterwards we taped throws, and I'm about to start editing a video to post on here and on Facebook.

Today is Friday. It's not as nice as it was yesterday, but it still feels amazing. I'm in the mood to just go driving, and keep driving, with the windows down, sunglasses on and the music way up. I'm feeling so blah, but I'm extrememly restless. I don't think anything's going on tonight. Tomorrow night I'm going to go see Grease. My high school's putting it on and some of my friends are in it. Other than that I have no idea what's going on.

I'm having a seriously hard time focusing right now. I'm thinking it's because of this weather, so I'm going to go start editing the video.

Later :)

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Here's to Spontaneity :)



When I decide to do something like cut my hair, I gotta do it THEN. I can't wait, or I'll chicken out, or decide not to. I guess the same goes with piercing my ears. I was just sitting here when I decided I wanted to do it. I went down and talked to my mom about it, then we were off to Wal-mart.

It didn't hurt at all. When I had it done in third grade I cried, but this time I barely even flinched.

I can't wait to be able to wear cute earrings, instead of these ugly gold studs. I kind of like these:



Anyways, my head is seriously starting to bug me, so I think I'll go shut my eyes for a bit.

Goodnight :)

So Confused...

I have no idea what I'm going to do.

I have two realistic careers I need to choose between. I can either be an elementary school teacher or something in nursing.

I've been pretty sure about becoming a teacher for the past year or so. Assisting Jesse at karate made me sure I wanted to teach. I've been doing a teaching internship program through my high school this year, and it's kind of made me rethink things. Teaching kids at karate is way different than teaching kids in school. At karate, pretty much every kid wants to be there. You get a wide range of ages and personalities, but you all have one common passion. The family atmosphere is another thing that I love. But if I taught at an elementary school, I'd lose a lot of that. Most of the kids would hate me, just because they didn't want to be at school, not because of anything I did to them personally. I'd be around one age, all the time. If I was a teacher, I'd want to teach a really young age, but the way the system works, they could toss me into sixth grade, and I'd seriously dislike that.

Besides, how am I supposed to be a teacher when I hate school? I love karate, and could teach Basic Form Number One a million times, and never get tired of it. I defintely wouldn't have the same enthusiasm for the ABC's, or long division.

I would love to be able to teach karate for a living. Pretty much everybody in karate wants that, but I know for me, that may not be an option, or a path I choose to take. If I could, I would love to open up a bakery/coffee shop thing, but that's definitely not in the cards for me. That's more of a dream than anything.

I've been taking a course at the JuCo to be a Certified Nurses Aide. By the middle of March, I'll be able to work in a hospital or an old folks home. I'd prefer to work at a hospital, because it's short term for the patients and I'd work with a variety of ages. In a nursing home, it's long term and I'd get attached to the patients and I wouldn't be able to handle the deaths.

There would be nothing wrong with being a CNA the rest of my life. I would take care of people, and make what they were going through a little easier. I wouldn't be responsible for medications, so the pressure of messing up and hurting someone wouldn't be there. I don't want that pressure. I don't want to worry about figuring out what's wrong with someone, I just want to be able to make it a little easier. I don't want to have to tell Mrs. Jones that she has such-an-such disease or stick a needle into her, I want to help her out of bed, get her dressed and prettied up to go to supper. I want to take care of people, not their disease.

If I decide that I do want more responsibilty, I could continue my education to become an RN. It'd be a two year associate's program at the JuCo, and then I'd be responsible for a lot more. I start clinicals at the end of this month, so I think I'll figure out pretty quick whether or not I'm into this whole thing, but I think I will be. I doubt I'd wanna be an RN, but the opportunity would be there.

I've wanted to be an anesthesiologist, an OB/GYN, a physical therapist, an occupational therapist, an elementary school teacher, and now a nurse's aide. I keep taking huge steps down on the salary ladder. That's one thing that's keeping me from wanting to stick with CNA. A huge pro is the lack of schooling I'd need. I'd go to college still, I just don't know what for. I could always work as a CNA and work towards a Bachelor's in Elementary Education, but if I end up happy as a CNA, why would I? I don't even know. I've always had the thought in my head that you HAD to have at least four years of college to be successful, like it was mandatory, but what do I do if I'll be ready to do what I want before I even graduate high school? And if I'm busy working, when would I have time to go to school? When I took the step away from occupational therapy to education I said that money didn't matter if I was happy. But the salary of a CNA is half of that of a teacher. That's kind of a big deal. I could support myself, but what'll happen if some day I want to get married, have kids? I might love my job, but I wouldn't be able to support us.

If everything continues as I think it will, and I end up loving being a CNA, I just need to decide if happiness really is more important than money...

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I Ate Your Cups, and They Were Delicious :)


Valentine's Day is coming up.

6th grade: Got dumped by the boy I had crushed on since 3rd grade for the last time. I got him a box full of mini Reese's peanut butter cups, and ate every single one of them :) What kind of guy dumps a girl on Valentine's Day? Seriously...

7th grade: Stuco had a fundraiser where they sold carnations and I ended up "dating" the only guy that gave me one. We lasted about a week.

8th grade: Hated that year, but I wasn't single.

9th grade: First Valentine's Day with Jesse. Giant teddy bear in the front seat of his car. Stereotypically cute :)

10th grade: Wow. Won't go into detail, but it was amazing. The sweetest thing that's ever been done for me.

11th grade: Nothing special, but still nice :)

12th grade: ?


I have karate that night, so it's not like I'm going to be sitting around alone, but it's the first Valentine's Day since middle school that I've been single. I'm trying to work through my options.

Option 1: Say eff Valentine's Day all together, and go it alone.
Option 2: Hang out with a friend, but even if we say it's just as friends, I know it won't end up being that way, and I'm not sure about that.
Option 3: Give in and be all mushy and junk. Don't get me wrong, I'm about as mushy as mashed potatoes, but still...

I just realized my head is REALLY lumpy. I knew it was shaped weird, but DANG. Yes, I realize I just went off in a completely different direction than where this post started, but my head is killing me. I had about a solid month without a single headache (which was heaven, since I had the same headache from April until December.) But the past week or so I've felt horrible. I've felt this constant pressure at the base of my skull, not always painful, but always uncomfortable. My mom said there's probably nothing to worry about, because I recently had to get an MRI done on it for the headaches, and something would've shown up if there were a problem.

It's to the point now where I just gotta lie down in the dark, and hopefully it'll be gone by tomorrow...

Goodnight.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Make a Wish :)

I'm not sure what I want to talk about. After I posted this morning I went to CNA class. It was really interesting today. We went over a lot of infection control and stuff like that, then we started on body mechanics. On Wednesday (if it's not a snow day) we're going to start partnering up and lifing each other and acting like old people. At some point in the near future I have to go scrub shopping. I want to check Wal-Mart, the scrub shop here, and then I heard there was one in the next town over that has good prices. I also gotta get a watch, a mini notepad and a mini tub of Vicks to block out icky smells.

Class let out, and I eventually made it home. I didn't really do anything except relax until it was time for karate. Tonight I got promoted. I got my first blue tip for my red belt, so I'm one step closer to black belt :) We did some partner work, forms and push ups in class tonight. My arms are already aching a little from the push ups. I'm such a girl. I could do sit ups and crunches all day long, but I can't do a proper push up to save my life.

In the second adult class we went over Korean terminology, and I knew all eighteen, so I was pretty happy about not having to worry about learning any new ones. I then got partnered up with two women in there to go over joint locks. I don't know why, but we just kept busting up laughing and couldn't focus. One of the ladies kept saying "you're so adorablllle!" when I was actually trying to do well, and I was like, "No! I'm HARDCORE!!" It's like when a little chihuahua thinks it's big and bad, and every one else is like, "awww, look at it!"

Anyways, I wanted to go to the Rubber Chicken Factory at the college tonight, but things didn't work out, so we'll definitely have to go next month. (March 7, 9:00 pm, jussayin' :P) I came home and ate supper, and now I'm sittin' in bed. I really should go to sleep early tonight. I haven't been sleeping well lately. SIDENOTE: I just realized that I kind of cheat at 11:11. My phone is a minute faster than my laptop, so I make a wish on my cell, wait a minute, then make the same wish again on my laptop. But I digress: sleeping hasn't been going well, but I'm suuuper tired, so I think I might try soon. Or I could read a little first. I haven't been reading as much as I used to, and I think I'm going to start again.

I'm at the point in my post where I realize that I've just been rambling, so I'm going to get off now before I change the subject again.

Later taters :)

Fee Fye Fo Fum!

I think Teaching Internship is going to be fun. I had my first go at it this morning at 8:00. I'm with Mrs. Sharp and Miss Crystal. The kids call me Miss Alayna, and it's really weird. The kids at karate are supposed to call me Miss Alayna, but only a few ever have.

Anyways, every morning as soon as the kids get there, everyone sits down for breakfast in a "family setting," so everyone sits at the same table and talks. The kids are supposed to pour their own milk and scoop up their own food, and it's really tough to watch them spill everything, but it's cool that they get to do their own stuff. Some of the kids are barely three, and they go up to five so the ability levels vary a bit. The teachers (and interns) are required to eat with the students to "model" the behavior. I'm proud of myself though, because today was cream of wheat and bananas, and I choked it down because I was supposed to. The teacher said that I'd get good at pretending I like the foods, when I actually hate them. Cream of wheat isn't as bad as I'd thought it'd be, but I absolutely ABHOR bananas. But I was hardcore about it.

And ohmygosh I GOT MY OWN CUBBY. I have no idea why I'm so excited about this, but I am. My coat looked so out of place, but it was kind of cute. You get to feeling like a giant in a tiny world, because there're so many little people running around and you feel like you're going to squash them. I'm supposed to be taking notes the whole time, but it's just not possible. Even though the teacher's going to have me hang back a little for a week so I can get to know the kids a little better, the kids don't know that. I'm an "adult" in their eyes, so if they need something, they come to me, especially because I'm the new one. Today almost every kid asked me to sit by them, and I did a puzzle with one, and read a book to another.

I'm really looking forward to getting to know everybody in the next semester, and maybe this'll help me decide if I really want to be a teacher or do something else, because I've been thinking a lot about that lately.

Oh well, I'm not going to stress about it at this point. Que sera sera :)

Sunday, February 6, 2011

You Say Yes, I Say No, You Say Stop, I Say Go Go Go :)

Ok, so apparently I'm needing to educate a friend of mine on Glee.

Below are two of my favorite performances of theirs.

It's not all about the singing. The story line is interesting, and you kind of get attached to the characters. It's on when we're at karate on Tuesdays, so I always TiVo it. I'm tempted to have a marathon and make my friend watch it, but for some that may qualify as cruel and unusual punishment.

Anyways, about what's been happening lately...
As you can see from my videos posted below, we got some snow. Like, knee deep snow. It's been fun to play in and go sledding, even though some people couldn't go due to being snowed in or sick or whatnot and that was a bummer. My head and neck are killing me from wiping out yesterday and bashing my head on the ground. I'm told it looked really cool, but I'm still regretting it. My knee got a little hyper extended because I'm an IDIOT. I was standing at the bottom of the hill and my sister was coming down on her stomach. I stood there and watched her come straight at me. I didn't even try to move. She rammed into my knees and took me out. That same day the two biggest guys there were messing around and got a little crazy coming down as I was hiking up and slammed into my knees again. I turned a little so it hit me on the side and not full front, and I'm really lucky for that. It definitely could have broken my knee. Broken knee equals no karate, so that's no bueno.

You know what else equals no karate? ALL THIS FLIPPIN' SNOW. Snow days for school means karate is cancelled, so I haven't had class since Monday. I'm definitely training tomorrow, no matter how cruddy I feel. *coughpromotioncough* Yeah, I'm excited, even though I've been trying to be patient. Saturday there was a skating party for everybody, and I went. I haven't skated in about five years, and I forgot how much I love it. I wish it wasn't nerdy to go there anymore, or I defintely would.

I'm kind of excited for tomorrow. I start Internship at the Pre-K. I have that from 8:00 until 9:30, then I'll go to the elementary school to see my Little. I'll have a little break before I need to be at the VoTech to go to CNA from noon til 5, and I'm pretty sure we're going to have to stay the full five hours to make up hours we missed because of the snow. And then karate!! I'm so excited.

Anyways, it's extremely difficult for me to type right now because I'm arguing about pants and leprechauns and other various topics, so that's all for tonight.

Adios yall :)

Friday, February 4, 2011

No Day Like a Snow Day :)

Today I went sledding with Raye, Jared, Leslie, Darrin and Hannah. I had an amazing time. My butt's hurtin' from all the bumps, my thumb is hurting because I fell once and bent it back, and my head is hurting because one time I went with my sister, and she headbutt the back of my head. All in all though, it was a pretty great day :)

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

My Day :)

I took a ton of videos today and decided to compile them into one instead of typing them out. I just don't have the attention span for it today :D